Category: Reblog

Human Issues, Reblog

Research Part III: How To Get A Narcissist To Reveal Themselves 

erika leigh
Image Credit: The Narcissistic Life

First off, let’s be clear. Gaslighting by some stranger or even someone you used to know and are still “friends” with on Facebook do not need to be “revealed.” If the person gaslighting you is not a part of your REAL life, don’t read what they write!

While this may not be the easiest thing to do, it will make your life so much better. People who say things on social media for no other reason than to stir other people up are attention seekers. Worse than people posting are the trolls who comment. By acknowledging or arguing with these people, you are giving them all the attention they desire. You can’t win. You can’t make them “woke.” They have zero interest in being educated or hearing your side or your evidence. But most importantly, if they don’t live in your house, work with you, or are somehow intimately involved in your daily life, what they say simply doesn’t matter.

If they are in your house, work with you, or a part of your daily life, by all means, do something about it. Unfortunately, in relationships, often the only thing you can do is leave. I’m sure some people can go through therapy and be reformed or cured from their narcissism, but that’s not the norm, and people I care deeply about have been destroyed in the process of trying to “fix” a narcissistic partner.

“The Narcissist has designed a perfect exterior to cover their deep-seated sense of inadequacy. As long as you appeal to their false self, they will value and even idealize you. But your worth is contingent on giving the narcissist the positive affirmation they crave; it has nothing to do with who you are.”

“Narcissists are experts at manipulating people by distorting reality in subtle ways: taking facts way out of context, appearing victimized when they’re actually the victimizers…”

One thing they can’t do, however, is control their rage. Triggered at the right time in the right place (for example, in front of a judge), the narcissistic rage may, for once, actually help the victim. “Being exposed, especially in front of people they want to impress, will trigger the narcissist’s rage. Family law professionals will witness a distinct personality change and have proof that the narcissist’s words don’t line up with their actions.”

Want to read more? Click on the image to read The Narcissistic Life blog or here to view: How To Get A Narcissist To Reveal Themselves – Latest Divorce Child Custody Family Law

Thank you for reading this series. My greatest wish is that someone who needs to see this does see it before it is too late.

Human Issues, Reblog

Research Part II: Gaslighting – How To Protect Yourself

erika leigh

Of this entire series, this is the article I wish most that I could send back in time. Gaslighting in and of itself is bad enough, but it can actually go far enough to cause someone to hurt themselves, self-medicate (i.e. drug abuse/alcoholism), or even commit suicide.

Image Credit: Lauren Wilson; adapted from Psychology Today

What if you could protect yourself, instead?

  1. State your position — but don’t argue.  A narcissist will gaslight you in order to get an emotional reaction out of you. As soon as you get emotional – as soon as you argue – the attention is diverted off from whatever the narcissist wants to deflect.
  2. Remain calm.  Again, the whole point is to get you agitated and emotional.
  3. Seek outside support. You may feel like this person has the whole world “snowed,” but chances are, they see it too. They may not know how bad it really is, though. It’s okay to do a sanity check. And yes, you should always own what’s yours – nobody is perfect. But no one should have to endure traumatic emotional abuse.
  4. Look for patterns, not isolated incidents.  “Why do I always forgive him/her?” If you have ever asked yourself this question, perhaps it’s time to ask yourself different questions: “Is he/she a narcissist?” “Is his/her behavior abusive?”
  5. The artful use of the word “nevertheless.” I loved this advice. Having a strong word to refocus a conversation can help keep you calm so you don’t go chasing rabbits down emotional holes.

In the next, and final post of this series, I’ll share how to defeat a narcissist.

Read the entire article referenced above at: Gaslighting: How To Protect Yourself – Latest Divorce Child Custody Family Law

Human Issues, Reblog

Research Part I: Gaslighting – How To Recognize Manipulative Behavior

erika leigh
Gaslighting Red Flags
Image Credit: Introvert Doodles

I’ve been researching a bit as I look for background information on my latest writing project and came across some good articles that I wish I could go back in time and give to someone close to me. A lot of pain might have been prevented. Maybe sharing them will prevent someone else from suffering.

Let’s start with some behavior that has gotten a lot of attention lately. Gaslighting. We see it on social media constantly. I won’t name names, but some politicians have really been able to stir things up on Twitter. Whether you agree with the tweets or are on the other side, the ensuing arguments are filled with emotional reactions and responses. 

But what if the gaslighting is more personal than the nonsense we read on social media?

What is “Gaslighting?”

“The term was taken from the 1944 thriller Gaslight, in which a husband convinces his wife she’s going insane to distract her from his criminal shenanigans.” Gaslighting and narcissism go hand-in-hand, whether the perpetrator is a covert narcissist or an overt narcissist. Or a little bit of both, as both “develop a false sense of superiority to mask their vulnerability and feelings of inadequacy.”

I found a series of articles I’d like to share over the course of a couple of posts. While they focus on marriage and divorce, any intimate relationship will suffer if one of the parties is a narcissist. Want to know more? Keep reading here: Gaslighting: How To Recognize Your Spouse’s Manipulative Behavior

Reblog

Between Mom and Stepmom

erika leigh

Lovely intimate piece by @SarahMenkedick

Longreads

Sarah Menkedick | Longreads | May 2017 | 15 minutes (3,743 words)

 

Meg first appeared to me as a nimbus of curly red hair, looming above my top bunk late at night. The hair, backlit and aglow, was so remarkable that I reached up and patted it as though it were a rare creature. Meg offered the nervous, extra-buoyant “hi” of the girlfriend meeting the boyfriend’s kid for the first time. In reply, I stroked the hair.

I was five; she was 25. Just a few weeks before, she had met my dad at an art opening. He was up-front about the fact that he was 37, divorced, with a 15-year-old and a five-year-old. She was working the second shift at a hospital, reading dense Buddhist texts, hanging out with a band of artists whose blue velvet berets and psychedelic hand-stenciled trunks would later color our house. They met…

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Fitness, Reblog

Just walk away from the junk food… #nutrition #health #fitness

erika leigh

Just walk away from the junk food… #nutrition #health #fitness

Think Smart

Food is fuel for your body. It has a direct impact on how you feel as well as on your overall health. Fast food isn’t necessarily bad, but in many cases it’s highly processed and contains large amounts of carbohydrates, added sugar, unhealthy fats, and salt (sodium).

These foods are often high in calories yet offer little or no nutritional value. When fast food frequently replaces nutritious foods in your diet, it can lead to poor nutrition, poor health, and weight gain. Being overweight is a risk factor for a variety of chronic health problems including heart disease, diabetes, and stroke.Fast food can effect on your body :

1.Digestive and Cardiovascular Systems:

Many fast foods and drinks are loaded with carbohydrates and, consequently, a lot of calories. Your digestive system breaks carbs down into sugar (glucose), which it then releases into your bloodstream. Your pancreas responds by releasing insulin, which…

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Reblog

I’ma Keep Running ‘Cause a Winner Don’t Quit on Themselves

erika leigh

I don’t care how humble she is… Anne is my hero. 💜

Tomorrow Never Knows

Many of my blog titles are derived from song lyrics. Music is so important to me, and when I can’t find the words to express how I’m feeling there is often a song that does it for me. Some people may recognize the lyrics I choose, some may not.

This particular title is from the lyrics of “Freedom” off of Lemonade by Beyonce. My close friends know I haven’t cared for Beyonce since she split from Destiny’s Child, and I likely only enjoyed their music because Timbaland had his hand in some of it. Something about Beyonce’s voice typically makes me cringe (I may have used the word “hate” to describe my feelings for it in the past), and I just haven’t felt the emotion behind her singing. Until now. I realize I’m really late to the Lemonade train, and I haven’t quite hopped on; I’m chasing after it, just out of reach. But there…

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Fitness, Reblog, Travel

Two Loves Together #travel and #running

erika leigh

Marathon season is in full swing. Don’t worry about how you’ll get to the race—take Amtrak and focus on setting a new PR instead! Boston Marathon Held in early spring, the Boston Marathon’s historic course starts on Main Street in the rural New England town of Hopkinton and finishes near the John Hancock Tower in…

via Take Amtrak to Your Next Marathon — Amtrak